194/365 | Friday - February 26th, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 9:43PM 
Frailty
I was robbed at gunpoint tonight while on an after school run. They didn't get much from me - my key ring which is of absolutely no use to them and my old 2nd generation iPod Shuffle, but it was easily the most terrifying thing I've ever been through. With my back to the end of the pier and the barrel of a handgun pressed deep into my cheek I completely froze. I found myself without words and without motion. I couldn't think and could barely speak. I stood there wide eyed and shaking, hands in the air just pleading with them and praying to God to leave me be. I couldn't create coherent phrases, but thoughts would fly through my head like lightning and then proceed to leave even quicker. All I remember thinking is, "This is it. They're going take what I have, be mad that it's not worth a damn thing and shoot me right here." I honestly thought that this would be how it ended - on a nondescript Friday evening that up until that point had gone like so many others before it.
As I stood there, it wasn't memories of my life that flashed before my eyes, all I could think of was how I might not ever see or talk to my family again. I thought about how none of this made sense, about how this was all just a bad coincidence, a terrible case of wrong place at the wrong time - but still, just because I ended up where they happened to be didn't mean that I deserved what I was getting. Yet, none of that mattered. All I had done in life prior to right then meant nothing. This wasn't some rational situation where pleas could be heard or decency was given a second thought, for the first time in my life, my existence directly depended upon whether or not someone else thought my life was worth ending. That scared me at that very moment, and still does right now.
With seven guys around me, there wasn't anything I could do to save myself; it was up to them. After a seemingly endless number of moments had passed filled with threats of death they told me to turn around and go back to the end of the pier. For a second I couldn't believe that I was just going to be able to walk away unharmed, but then I thought that the second I turned around they'd most likely just shoot me. I mean, I couldn't ever even fathom what kind of cowardice it would take to take to shoot another human in cold blood, but I can imagine that it'd be a whole hell of a lot harder if that person were looking you square in the face. These people were cowards, so the thought that he would pull the trigger with my back turned suddenly became more of a threat in my mind than having that gun in my face. Every step I took back towards the end of the pier I kind of thought it would be my last. After fifteen or so seconds, I turned my head to see what to expect, if anything, and I could just make out the silhouettes of them running down the pier.
Unharmed, I stood at the end of the pier for about 15 minutes just waiting for someone else to walk down there, but no one did. So, I made what was probably the longest half mile walk of my life. Every bird that would fly overhead would startle me, every shape in the distance made me cringe, I was paranoid of whoever might be waiting behind each and every transformer box - I guess I was just expecting them to come back. Nearing the shore, I came across a few people making their way down the pier for a walk - all of whom I was scared would be them. I even tried to tell one guy to not walk out there, but half way through my sentence I stopped talking because I was afraid that they'd be waiting ahead in the shadows ready to remind me of their threats had I decided to tell anyone.
Everything turned out to be fine though. Surprisingly, I wasn't harmed physically, but I fear that the psychological repercussions might take their toll. It's a big city, but at the same time it's a small world, and with that I can already feel a sense of paranoia and fear growing inside of me. What if I get on the same bus as them or what if I run into one of them at the convenience store? I've immediately gone from having a free sense of general safety and security to wondering if I'll even feel comfortable walking home from the bus stop at night. Life, and the perception we have of it, changes quickly. I was fortunate. Regardless of what they threatened or what material objects they took from me I truly believe that God kept me safe. He has a purpose for me still and tonight wasn't meant to be my last night here. I just hope I can continue to live life how I know it should be lived - not under a blanket of fear. I'm still alive now to live another day, so here's to tomorrow.
What I'm Listening To: Beck - Go It Alone
Miles Biked: 0 / 586.2
Reader Comments (2)
Wow, Daniel. To hear it described like you did is beyond frightening. I am grateful you are ok, and hope your progressive recovery from the ordeal goes as best it can.
it took me awhile to read this dan.
i mean, literally i had to stop.
and then return. then finish.
the impact of this kind of thing is totally unfair.
my thoughts are with you, as you pick up the pieces of last week.
cher.